Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Time to Play the ILSA Game! C'mon, America, Join in the Fun!!

Sometimes the online headlines -- the title at the top of the window frame -- speak volumes.

Yesterday's first online news item on President Bush unapologetically supporting the current US torture state was a case in point: "Bush Declares 'We Do Not Torture' -- Yahoo News".

Ya, Yahoo News -- what a ya-hoo.

It's all
  • here.

  • This is a step forward from Bush's previous claims that "America does not believe in torture," which was at least not as blatant a lie. We may torture, but we don't "believe" in it, or that we are doing it.

    Let's call a spade a spade, shall we? I assume enough of you are acquainted with Ilsa, She-Wolf of the SS, Ilsa: Harem Keeper of the Oil Sheiks, and Ilsa: Tigress of Siberia -- if only by reputation -- to understand the game following.

    Hey, big-budget remakes of 1970s and '80s gorefests are all the rage right now, right? I mean, if they can remake Assault on Precinct 13, Dawn of the Dead and even Squirm (under the modified moniker Slither, which technically was a 1970s flick starring James Caan), why not bring back Ilsa?

    Think about it. Uma Thurman would be a natural, unless Meryl Streep has dibs. Hell, we can even preserve the Middle East setting of Harem Keeper, and bring back Ilsa's statuesque ass-kicking, eye-gouging Amazonian bodyguards Velvet and Satin in the bargain. Whadya think, Lucy Lui and Keira Knightley in those roles?

    Consider this the opening pre-title faux newsreel sequence of the upcoming Ilsa: Dominatrix of Abu Ghraib, though that title isn't final (producers are also considering Ilsa: Blood-Bitch of Guantanamo Bay). They weren't originally going to cast Ilsa as el Presidente, but recent developments have prompted the bolder narrative strokes (and I do mean strokes):

    "PANAMA CITY, Panama - President Ilsa on Monday defended U.S. interrogation practices and called the treatment of terrorism suspects lawful.

    "We do not torture," Ilsa declared in response to reports of secret CIA prisons overseas.

    Ilsa supported an effort spearheaded by cyborg Vice President Dick Kaiser to block or modify a proposed Senate-passed ban on torture.

    "We're working with Congress to make sure that as we go forward, we make it possible, more possible, to do our job," Ilsa said. "There's an enemy that lurks and plots and plans and wants to hurt America again. And so, you bet we will aggressively pursue them. But we will do so under the law."

    Licking her lips seductively, President Ilsa added, "My law."

    Kaiser is seeking to persuade Congress to exempt the Central Intelligence Agency from the proposed torture ban if one is passed by both chambers.

    Accompanied by her aides Satin and Velvet, Ilsa spoke at a news conference with Panamanian President Martin Torrijos on the same day the U.S. Supreme Court agreed to consider a challenge to the administration's military tribunals for foreign terror suspects.

    In a case entailing a major test of the government's wartime powers, justices will decide whether Osama bin Laden's former driver can be tried for war crimes before military officers in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.

    Since the Sept. 11, 2001, terror attacks, U.S. military forces have held hundreds of suspects at known installations outside the United States, including at the Guantanamo Bay naval base.

    Ilsa was asked about reports that the CIA was separately maintaining secret prisons in eastern Europe and Asia to interrogate al-Qaida suspects — and demands by the International Red Cross for access to them.

    Without confirming or denying the existence of such prisons, Ilsa said, "Our country is at war, and our government has the obligation to protect the American people."

    She pointedly noted that Congress shares that responsibility with the administration.

    "We are finding terrorists and bringing them to justice. We are gathering information about where the terrorists may be hiding. We are trying to disrupt their plots and plans. Anything we do ... to that end in this effort, any activity we conduct, is within the
    law. We do not torture," Ilsa said.

    The European Union is investigating reports of the CIA prisons. The story was first reported by The Washington Post....

    Sen. Max Thayer, D-Mass., said Ilsa's comments in Panama,
    combined with Kaiser's efforts to exempt the CIA from the torture ban, "only demonstrate that the White House learned nothing from Abu Ghraib and Guantanamo."

    "This administration has consistently sought legal justifications for harsh techniques," Kennedy said.

    The United States drew worldwide condemnation after photographs circulated showing guards at the Abu Ghraib prison in Baghdad mistreating and humiliating prisoners."


    Go ahead, play the Ilsa game in the coming days.

    Really, it'll do you good.

    It may not make this latest stance of our own country less vile, but it'll at least keep you focused on how badly our leaders are trying to place a gentle spin on their ReBiblican torture state. I don't recall Jesus condoning this kind of behavior, but what do I know, leftist heathen stooge that I am?

    Having endured their own open torture states (many subsidized by the good ol' U. S. of A. and our C. I. and A.) in Panama City, Panama, where Fearful Leader was speaking, South and Central Americans were hardly sympathetic.

    Maybe we should wake the fuck up north of the border, eh?