Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Criswell Predicts...

Welcome to the future, my friends! Your future! It is here, now, and you are in it, as are we all!

[If you need an explanation, see Monday and yesterday's posts...]
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Law, Order and Justice!

I predict that we will turn the clock back one hundred years for law, order and justice! The Law Enforcement will break down and leave each man and woman to his own tender mercy! I predict that firemen, postmen, paper boys, teachers, store keepers, doctors, lawyers, funeral directors and police will all carry guns at all times! The days of the Old West will be revived and personal guns will be carried!

The Mirror Darkly

I predict that we will look into the mirror darkly and in the next ten years we will find that (1) Religion will take on a new personal meaning, and in the strife and tribulations to come, we will identify with the Oneness of God! (2) Sex will become secondary due to the forcing of all the men and women to take the pill, which will direct our energies to other channels! And (3) Health will be the first rule of the day, for the Government will demand that we stay well, as sick and dead people do not work nor do they pay taxes!

The Island of Cast Off Wives and Husbands!

I predict an island will be set aside off the Oregon Coast in the Great Northwest for cast off wives and husbands who have failed their mates, and are set adrift again on the stormy sea of matrimony!

This most elegant colony will rival Reno for those on the rebound! There they will find happiness in another mate -- a fellow cast off!
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Have a great Wednesday, castaways and castoffs!


Let me leave you with this photo of my faraway friend Neil Gaiman, sticking pencils in a living panda's nose.

You'd think they'd discourage that kind of behavior from a visiting writer, but hey, it's the 21st Century and China is being very progressive.

Also note Neil's stylish new look, with the blue plastic coat. It suits you, Neil; I told you a looooooooong time ago, ditch the black clothes, you'd be much happier!

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5 Comments:

Blogger HemlockMan said...

Goddamn. What a life. He gets to hold a living panda in his fucking lap!

With my luck, if I ever did that (which I would not do), the panda would rend my flesh.

8/29/2007  
Blogger SRBissette said...

Panda not rend Bob flesh. Just push pencils into panda nose, defuse bearish behavior.

(I know, fucking Neil! Cradling pandas, making movies, maintaining profitable relations with DC Comics -- the man is amazing!)

8/29/2007  
Blogger Daniel Barlow said...

Aw, I was hoping that in the future newspapermen could carry guns too.

8/29/2007  
Blogger SRBissette said...

Don't you carry one NOW, Dan?

8/30/2007  
Blogger K. A. Laity said...

In the future all writers will sharpen their pencils in panda noses, the better to preserve the environment and to strengthen the pandas' resolve to live and pen their own memoirs which will be written with pens shoved up the nasal passages of writers. The writers will complain (inevitably) but it will be the first time many of them experience a mucus free breath (also inadvertently removes adenoids).

Criswell has spoken!

8/30/2007  

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